It’s been months since i ever open up something about myself and it’s 2017 already maybe i need to open myself up. Anxiety Disorder often referred as Depression but it’s not really depression, the thing is Anxiety is not just about being sad most of the time it is also about health and sometimes mind. I do have Anxiety Disorder because i know for some reasons that i am not normal that there is really something wrong on myself i hated this disorder so much but i learned to accept this throughout the years.
I am not the type of a person who will say that i have Anxiety Disorder just to make fun and look cool but because it is the truth, it started when i entered Highschool i was bullied not just bullied but through verbal bullying until now i just hate my classmates. Traumatized by bullies and everything that’s why whenever i’m in a very stressful situation i will just shutdown everyone around me calling me bad things like “Are you with us?” “You’re crazy” , those words hurted me so bad that it made me cry the whole time. I’ve never felt so helpless and lonely since that day until such time i just need to open things up on my mind but it doesn’t work.
During my 4th year and senior year on my school everything started in a jam, that’s when people around me started to say bad things to me not just my classmates but the whole 4th year students, i remember my teacher paired me up with some loner guy on another class i don’t know why she did that but one thing i know for sure is that i need to be embarassed once again. My panic attacks are always occuring 2 times a day sometimes i will cry at the back of the school and sometimes just hid myself inside the comfort room. I realized how bad this Anxiety Disorder was i tried to be friends with other students where i met Patrice, a girl my age and with disability i think it’s polio and for once i found a friend for 4 years.
They say i’m crazy, they say i’m bad because i have this aura of a poker faced girl but that’s not true they will never understand what it’s like to have this disorder and now they are just telling me that i’m Depressed? Depression is different from Anxiety but they are always together sometimes depression will lead to Anxiety. Until such time i decided to make a change when i entered my College Days, i collected friends and such until i am already Anxiety-free there are times when i can only rely on myself but there also times that i need my friends and they also need me.
Now that i’m actually beginning to accept that step by step i can overcome this Anxiety Disorder of mine maybe not today, but i will be okay the next time around.