Love, Past, Single? 

Hello! Today will be a little different as i promised i’ll be opening about my life bit by bit and you prolly know i am on the process of being anxiety-free and i am that kind of person who really don’t care when it comes to love. 

The first time i come out of my shell in years, i can’t even believe i’m confessing everything here. To make it more detailed i’ll put the dates and the years so that you won’t be confused. 

For now let us start with 2014 era, i re-entered the RPW (Roleplaying World) that year and became fond of everything korean (as i am still now today) i started making an account under the name Krystal Na Ulan  and eventually became a part of a RPW Group called Fxism (since Krystal is from Fx) i met this Gdragon RP that caught my attention because of rude way talking to people, to girls and mainly everyone. 

He’s cool actually i’m not saying that i was into bad boys back then but when you talked to him you’ll notice the shyness. Also i learned that love was forbidden on that world (because that was just an escape world for almost everyone) and since i was so immature back then i entered into the forbidden relationshiop and yes it lasted for months and ended because the boy got his account disabled but that’s not counted right i mean that’s not the real world. So i left the world and worked on my Wattpad Account and started to write stories and i met this real person in the year  2015 where everything started abruptly. 

He is the type of guy that is shy yet gentleman (lol what am i doing) if you’re with me since 2015 you’ll see that on my past post i had put a conversation between me and him when the story happened. I’ll put the picture down below so that you know what was the convo like. 

Of course the blue one was me. 

Moving on to the story we became together exactly January 2, 2016. How uncanny that i still remember every bit of the love story despite of everything but unfortunately things got mixed up broke early February  2016 but that is not the catch guys. 

By March  2016 i received a consoling text message from him, so we texted back together (note that this relationship was a Long Distance Relationship) and yes we gathered ourselves and got into the relationship once more. By that time i  my last year in college but he’s full support so i need to do my best as he created a good impression too to his colleagues on his school so i did my best. Through ups and downs we have each other and everything so we decided to report everything on each other i am having a nostalgic moment here. 

For the more “masakit parts” here is a gallery of how we interacted back then. 

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Of course a couple will have its downfall too, but in our case we never got back together. December  2016 marks the end of our relationship, due to numerous fights and everything we just kept hurting each other me depressed of my teaching career while him on his work as a supervisor. 

We confronted each other just this year to clear things up and recently a friend reached out to him but the answer to my question wasn’t answered. We chose to kept things private, we do loved each other but maybe its time to finally let him go i said to myself when i was contemplating. We agreed to close things up, forget each other. 

I once told him that if destiny wants us together then we will be back on each other’s arms soon. 

For now i am happy being single, still looking for work and the same time doing vlogs, blog entries, writing and many many more. Its not that i want him back on my life but to think our petty fight that day was just normal, can’t we have a second chance too? But nevertheless i am here conquering what my life should be. 

Maybe someday our paths wil cross again together. By the way his name is Kean so i was really awkward when people calls someone with the same name.

Kean is such a nice man, i’m naming him not because i wanted to brag but to tell he’s a wonderful person inside and out. 

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Alright! Finally! What a blog, i hope you like this entry today because going out of my shell is something extra ordinary. 

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Things I’m Grateful For

As you all know i’m adding a year on my age tommorow again so i decided to make a list about what i’m grateful to for the past few months i’ve been on ups and downs and my life had been a roller coaster one. So, keep reading and hope you’ be able to make things like this after you read this. 
Still an INC.  I am grateful that i’m still an Iglesia Ni Cristo member despite of my irresponsibility as a choir member still he is there to guide me all through out my life and with that i am going through my life with such happiness. 

My Parents. I usually don’t thank them personally but i think being on an age like this is such an honor i’m no longer a child. Parents may keep on nagging my Mom, my Father but i am thankful that they’re still with me at this kind of age at their old age. 

House. Our house may not be big but having a safe shelter with a complete family is much more okay rather than living in vain neigborhood where “drugs” exist. This had been our house for more than 8 years now. 

Anxiety. It sounds so stupid that i’m grateful for my anxiety but Anxiety really helped me to grow and be a better person inside and out. I did fell down for the past few years but i fought through it. I tried my best to do everything and yes Anxiety helped me. 

Friends. I am so grateful that i have friends physically, that i can talk with and tell my problems with. Back then i was that little girl avoiding all the people around me and then lately i realized that friends will stay no matter what will you do. 

Eyesight. I have problems with my eyesight starting i learned how to use smartphones there have been problems on how i look on views because clearly i have a cross-eyed situation. But still i am seeing well right now and normally living my life. 

My Body/Health. Even if i don’t have a perfect body still i am eating right, eating balanced. Though being fat sometimes bother me but that is all i get of course i’m still on that dieting phase. 

Cousins. Aside from friends, i am grateful that i have so many many cousins that i love and love me too. For an introvert like me all pressure are into me whenever there are gatherings and such but when i’m with them i am happy. 

FCW Friends. These are my so called online friends from my Mommy Sabrina to Ate Sanchez , Aj, Syke and everyone around a “Vill” on that world i am grateful. 

Twitter Friends. Lately as you know i’m always on Twitter minding Criminal Minds to those people i met Lyra, Anne, Yanny, Kea, Mitzy, Ophelia and etc. I am grateful to all of you guys and also mentioning that Criminal Minds Korea Soompi Staff thanks to all of you my Twitterworld is much happier and also to Seb, a newly found friend of mine it will take long before i meet you but soon (malalaman din natin ang name ng escort sa Miss Q & A) 

WordPress Family. To my readers who had been there since Day one i cannot thank all of you and to those who follows my blog. Arigato Gozaimas. 

Wattpad Family. Without my readers i am nothing, with all the support the hundred thousand reads and such i am grateful to all of you. 

Education. Last but not the least, i am grateful that i took up Special Education though im not yet teaching soon i’ll be one of those teachers who will mark something to the student. 

I guess there are still things that i’m grateful for yet i cannot make a list with an never-ending entry so i keep those to myself and hopefully next year will be another year which will i be more grateful. 

The Liebster Award 2017  [Nomination + Rules + Questions]

​Hello! It’s been a year since you’ve heard about The Liebster Award in which i also received many nominations last year from co-bloggers, now i think it is time to pass this award to other bloggers who started their journey early this year. I am really sorry that you cannot read my “Liebster Award Nomination” last year post because i just cleared my blog but if i receive another nomination this year i will definitely make another one. 

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T H E  L I E B S T E R A W A R D RULES: 


There are a lot of rules that are modified because this chain had been present since WordPress was born but we’re fortunate to find reliable source.

If you have been nominated you have to accept it and of course by means its up to you on how you will present it to your readers. Simply create a blog post and follow the instructions below:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”. (Note that the best way to do this is to save the image to your own computer and then upload it to your blog post.)


3. Answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. provide 11 random facts about yourself.
5. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can always ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display a widget that lets the readers know this information!)

6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.

7. List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.) Once you have written and published it, you then 


8. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!) 

N O M I N A T I O N: 

An introvert is going to nominate three random people who just started their blogs this year and for the past few years. 

Both loves the idea of reading poems, letters and even watching movies so. 

I nominate Xoxo, Anxious Girl h p s h e n and last but not the least Ate S’s blog which i forgot the url (sorry ✌)

Now, of course Liebster Awarding is not complete with the Q&A 

Q U E S T I O N S

11 Questions About Self. 

1. What is your favorite movie scene and why?

2. Favorite Song? 

3. Dog or Cat person? 

4. What makes you happy? 

5. Do you believe in magic?

6. Romance Books that you can suggest? 

7. Favorite Food? 

8. Summer or Winter? 

9. Happiness or Sorrow? 

10. What is/Who is your happy pill? 

11.  Describe yourself ♡

That’s it! I hope this Liebster Award can help you gain followers and readers over a span of time. 

Note: You can display the Liebster Award Badge on your website. 

Save the picture here: 

Spread the love for writing! 



Failures, Family.

People often asked me “Did you even try working inside the house/doing chores?” Sometimes i will jokingly say “I do but i hate it” and then they will give me a “are you even a girl?” In this world that girls are the one who should do chores i am the one who is always wrong. I grew up not used to do chores because being an only child sucks , parents keep on telling me to work around the house but i only knew washing plates, ironing and making the bed but laundry and other stuffs? No! But i do cook sometimes. 

My Mom somehow is a “clean” person her cleanliness is always on point from the house up to the tiniest corner of her blouse. She’s so clean that she does all the work, i wanted to help but she always says no and rejected what i’m doing so i end up just laying in bed all day. This isn’t really the choice i had to take sometimes i begged just to do laundry but in the end she will redo it like how can i even learn if she keeps on interrupting me i’m just adjusting little by little sooner or later those sore hands will be just like mine. I’m depressed with what is happening i feel like the world is against me and all i can do is sit all day. 

They never told me to be better at what i’m doing, they never told me to be more patient on what i am doing thus they raised a lazy child like me wherein at this age i should be the one doing chores not my Mom. You see i’m no better, my life is not on point my family is a little bit awkward and weird to meet and people like us doesn’t deserved praise from others because we’re not the model family everyone thought. I lie, i cheat, i say bad words. 

Mom will say “Wala ka namang ginagawa eh tapos napapagod ka, sinasagad mo pasensya ko” (You aren’t even doing anything yet you’re tired? You’re pushing me to my limits) and i will just be like playing games on my phone. I’d love to offer help but knowing my Mom it will be better if she just leave everything on her side because she knew everything. 

I’m a failure, i’m a jerk, a stupid daughter with the knowledge of just eating and make myself fat. Now you know that i developed anxiety because of my family situation and the people around me, i can change and i can be better but after that what? Only get criticisms for others just because i’m not helping? 

Struggling for almost 23  years of my life, struggling i guess for the rest of my life. My respect is still there i always treat myself as a different person from them or even not related to them like i’m a stupid adopted daughter from an orphanage because i’m fat and useless. 

My life will always be a failure even despite of being a degree holder. 
A FAITH IS ALWAYS A FAILURE BUT NEVER A GEM.

Battle Against Anxiety Disorder

Today on this entry i will pour what is on my heart, it has been years since i opened up into the public about my fears and yet here i am trying to fight and battle this disorder. 

I am a person with Anxiety Disorder, funny thing is my face doesn’t seem to be convincing but i am a person who keep what is inside me a secret. Let us start back in those days where my genuine smile still shows “Gradeschool” it started when i was a Grade 5 student at a certain public school in Manila people calls me “Autistic” “crazy” “weird” “nerd” because i love reading books but my perception of those words are fully negative because by the time i’m in Grade 6 all of a sudden those words came back haunting me there are those days which i just sit on a corner covering my ears hugging my whole body to prevent the panic i’m feeling inside. Back then i don’t even know the words “panic attacks” and such, i couldn’t move and i couldn’t even cry because one moment i’m happy and one second i am sad. People say “maarte ka lang” but i feel the pain, the lack of air on my chest that heavy feeling, the sweat and everything that makes me wanna kill my life but still i don’t know what is that. 
When i entered highschool it worsened 1st year of highschool got me shocked because i thought discriminations, bullies and others are left in Manila but i’m wrong my Anxiety deepened and no one knew until our Guidance Councilor who is also a registered psych told me i have Anxiety Disorder, i don’t know what it was but hearing those made me shiver because i know that i am normal outside but my emotions will continually  break me. 

I’ve been through a lot no one knew that everytime i was being bullied, i’m always sitting and looking so far that crying isn’t enough to release all the pain. It’s like the pain strucks me so hard but knowing i have this disorder is much painful. I entered 4th year highschool depressed i endured a lot of pain during those times i am aware of my condition all of the people inside the class knew that one day where i just stood there crying pushing everyone away because indeed i’m living with such horrors in my life. It didn’t end there, when they told me i won’t be graduating as a Highschool Student things get mashed up i never answered the teacher but i threw myself on the side and like inviting the darkness that is i knew Anxiety Disorder is not a joke. 

It wasn’t a joke because almost everyday i’m bringing terror and horror to my life, panic attacks are much more serious than the emotional state i’ve been dealing with. I cannot count how many attacks did i have on a year but this year 2017 gave the ultimatum out of me  4 different panic attacks in one day from morning, lunch, dinner and midnight gave me so much chills. 

But you know what i may have Anxiety Disorder still i can lead a normal life now i’ve been panic attack free for the past months and i’m trying my best to fight and learn new things to overcome this disorder. It’ll be hard maybe at first but in the end, i’ll be the one to be happy after all. 

Shoutout to people who have Anxiety Disorder, this battle is for you and for all of us may we lead a normal life soon. Don’t forget that someone will lead you, this post is kinda hard to share but for the sake of those people like me i am blessed. 

Life: All About Me

Hello there! So i broke my own schedule sadly i just post stuffs whenever i like but but but with a lot of wishful thinking i decided that i will no longer put up a schedule since i’m no good with keeping up to time. For this entry i would like to tell about myself because i feel like i became distant with all of you after a year. 

I’ve been blogging for two years and last year was the anniversarry of my blog which i gave away a Kylie Lipkit and unfortunately got deleted because i want to start fresh. So, August 18 was the date i started roaming around WordPress and i feel like its been like decades since i started. I’m planning to do vlogging soon, after i finished picking up phones for a change plus will move to a different house soon later this year so yeah i think i’ll keep up with vlogging and blogging at the same time too. 

To begin with, i am *insert age* the holy age lol! Just guess, i’m pretty depressing to understand because i hate questions i was glad that i’m able to graduate before depression and anxiety eat me out. Again, i will repost my Battle with Anxiety Disorder so that you will further understand my situation. To be honest i don’t like mingling with other people so be it even if they are my cousins or relatives you know i just want peace and reading is really my hobby, i don’t like noises but i prefer music. I am such a slacker, super slacker and lazy bum! 

I never settle for “Okay lang yan” but i am settling for that now. I write stories, i write novels and sometimes poem so visit my Wattpad anytime and anywhere just don’t forget to like, vote and of course follow me. I couldn’t care less because i really love watching Kdramas instead of writing and right now i enjoy watching Criminal Minds Korean Remake, Suspicious Partner, a little bit of Mr. Bean and sometimes random movies. I do reviews just like the ones i piled on the the three dots on my page.

I’m a happy go lucky girl with nothing to worry except creepy stuffs but i’m fine with it as long as they are harmless. 
Hope you enjoy this entry as much i do, stay tuned for more entries like this in the near future! 

Hello Everyone! 

Do you notice the difference? Yes! I clearead all the contents of my blog as i wanted to start a fresh, light blog that only tackles about me, myself and i. I’ve been thinking of buying myself a new domain name but it is best to stay with the WordPress blog i grew up with as a person. 

Now that my goals are set, i’m a graduate already let’s fix what needs to be fix from writing to notebooks, doodling my thoughts on random books. Here i am with “SpellAyna” an online kind of diary that i can actually call mine. 

Please enjoy reading here in my blog, and i will do my best to make you all happy with my entries.